“To discern what is truly essential we need space to think, time to look and listen, permission to play, wisdom to sleep, and the discipline to apply highly selective criteria to the choices we make.” (Greg Mckeown)
I’ve been referencing my desire to cut back on photography commitments in several posts over the last few months, and gave myself a mental deadline to take a hiatus from shoots beginning in April. Well… April came and went, and I just went back to my online gallery to count at least 33 sessions shot during the month (not to mention the ones I’ve done in May now).
To be fair, this hiatus was mostly in my head, and although I’ve mentioned cutting back in various blog posts, not all of my friends/clients read this site regularly. However, I’ve received several requests that start with, “I know you’re taking a break from photography, but…”
The problem is not the requests themselves, but my inability to say no to them. I love all of my bloggers, and want them to have the best opportunities available. The reason I have shared a few educational photography posts here and there, is because I don’t want to leave people without resources or options.
I’ve voiced various excuses for my desired hiatus– including wanting to focus on my career or needing to spend time with family and friends, etc… To be honest, I needed a mental break from the stress of not only the shoots, but the anxiety in editing and meeting deadlines.
But it’s now gone beyond that. The physical impact of the stress is affecting my health and creating a barrier between me and something I’ve been wanting for awhile. With each realization of disappointment, I battle with a wave of resentment which I can only direct at myself for being unable to prioritize and preserve my well-being. Suffering in silence only worsens the situation, because it makes it harder to justify the “no” answer to those who don’t understand why (not).
There’s a fine line between being empathetic and being a doormat. I like to perceive my intentions a certain way, but my actions (or lack, thereof) lean more towards the latter. Instead of trying so hard to avoid disappointing everyone else, I’m going to take a chance on not disappointing myself for a little while, and hope that I will be forgiven, or at least understood.
I will be fulfilling all of the photoshoot commitments I’ve already agreed to, but beyond that I’m going to be practicing the art of saying no… politely, of course. I’ve compiled a list of local photographers I love and recommend for those who need referrals:
Dallas Blogger Photographers
Beckley & Co. | http://www.beckleyphoto.com | rebecca.beckleyphoto@gmail.com
DLores Photography | http://www.dloresphotography.com | Dloresphotography@gmail.com
Esther Huynh | http://www.estherhphoto.com | ejhuynh@gmail.com
Mary Summers | http://sothentheysay.com | mary@sothentheysay.com
Megan Weaver | http://www.megan-weaver.com | hello@meganmuellerblog.com
Sukilynn | http://sukilynn.com | yesi@sukilynn.com
I’m fighting every urge I have to apologize for this post and message, because part of saying no is living with those consequences, which I’ve decided that I’m now willing to do. Instead, I’ll end with a thank you to all the amazing people who have made it so difficult to say no. It wouldn’t be this hard, if I didn’t care this much. The art of saying “no” lies in understanding the privilege it is to do so.
Sevi says
Bravo Stephanie! Can we have our weekend back at your house doing nothing but sitting by the pool? Maybe we can watch some movies? I miss you!
Stephanie Drenka says
YES!! Pool days and movie marathons galore– and Just Dance/The Voice on Wii U, please!
Mai Lyn says
You are a badass and I’m so happy you are saying no. I can only imagine how overwhelming it can be shooting, editing and meeting tons of blogger deadlines. One thing I rememeber someone saying that stuck to me is that the most generous people have great boundaries. So they can give more in a way that’s still valuable to them. Do you boo.
Stephanie Drenka says
I love that saying!! Clipping that in my inspiration evernote doc right now haha.
Trista says
I hear you. It’s hard to say no to people you care about and causes you believe in. A long time ago, I read this book: The Power of a Positive No by William Ury and it was very freeing. You might check it out?
Stephanie Drenka says
Ooohh just added it to my Amazon cart- THANK YOU!!!
DenisE Johnson says
I honestly have the same issue as well (I’m not very good at telling people no) and I hate myself for being one of those people who asked. You and your happiness is the most important, and I’d rather have a happy and healthy friend than get photos taken with the #SDPTOUCH 🙂 4 Member Destiny’s Child needs to do a non-photography, non-blogging related hangout <3
Stephanie Drenka says
Awww Denise– love you!!!
Angie Garcia says
Stephanie, I’m so happy for you! I know how stressful it can get doing like 5 things at once and trying to please everyone. You are seriously super woman for literally working 2 full-time jobs and meeting everyones deadlines. I appreciate you, you inspire me and am happy to call you my friend. Can’t wait for this huge weight to be lifted off of you and have time for yourself XO
Stephanie Drenka says
Thank you, Angie– ditto to you, sweet friend!! Love living vicariously through your work.
Ginger Marie says
You go girl! It takes a lot to say no, especially to people that we love. But it sounds like this is something that has been harvesting on your mind for a while! I’m glad you’re taking the time to do you and concentrate on things that are most important in your life!
Stephanie Drenka says
Thank you, Ginger– that’s exactly it– would be so much easier saying no to regular business clients, but all of mine are my friends hehe.
Valery says
So proud of you for this! My word of the year is curate – trying to basically pare my hobbies and “jobs” down to only the essentials but I know first hand how easy it is to get sucked back in. Proud of you!
Stephanie Drenka says
Ohhhh I love that word!! It doesn’t have the negative connotation that the other words I’ve been throwing around do… thanks for all of your support — couldn’t do it without you.
sam says
Wow Stephanie! Angie told me about this post! Brava you! It’s always hard to say no – I’m guilty of the same… and then I have huge internal anxiety conversations with myself AND sometimes take it out on my hubby. Big NO NO!
And also good to resist saying Sorry – another thing that I have problems with myself. So happy that you are able to “focus” on what you need to. You already do SO much!
xx, sam