I have finally gained some sort of clarity as to why my strength has been tested so much in the past few weeks. The disappointment was meant to build and build, and come to this moment–which could either crush me with its weight, or provide the platform from which to make the giant leap I have, until today, been too unsure to make. Things that made absolutely no sense to me before, have finally settled comfortably in my conscious–like a jigsaw puzzle aligning itself steadily. It is with this newfound understanding that I can say this:
The ultimate betrayal is not an act itself, but deceit, in its most devastating form–laced with smiles and the facade of friendship–meant to veil the act.
Strength does not necessarily mean fighting such betrayal with comparable vigor, but perhaps accepting that being lied to (or having the truth omitted from you) is a reflection only of the conspirators, and not retribution for being trusting.
One of the most heartbreaking things a person must do in this life is bear witness to someone else making the same mistakes that an unwiser you made in the past.
Myself two years ago might have been delighted with this turn of events. The initial shock would give way to bitterness, and I would take pleasure in the anticipation of karma’s brutality.
But the pain that I endured in that duration of time was such that I would not wish it upon anyone–even someone who has lost completely my trust and respect by being so careless (or at worst, calculating) as to underestimate my ability to put two and two together and make me look like a fool.
The self who would find amusement in the downfall of my deceivers is a distant memory now. Recent events have shown me that holding on to things that hurt you, no matter how deep the meaning and history or how inextricable they might seem to your life, will slowly, but inevitably poison your spirit.
All I can do now is wish you not luck, but discernment. Here’s to the hope that people can change–and if not, that you will be stronger than I was–love yourself more than I did–and realize sooner than later that hurting friends with duplicity and inconsideration is not always worth the satisfaction that you find in the present.
To laugh often and much;
to win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children;
to earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends;
to appreciate beauty;
to find the best in others;
to leave the world a bit better,
whether by a healthy child,
a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
to know even one life has breathed easier
because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson