As a style blogger, sometimes I get distracted with my outward appearance and how I feel in what I’m wearing. The fashion blogging world is actually relatively new to me. My first blog (not counting the many livejournal, diaryland, xanga, etc sites I had in high school) was a personal blog, which my friend hosted for me in college. I wrote about everything– adoption, relationships, friendships– you name it. It was my little corner of the World Wide Web, where I could say what I felt, uncensored.
With Geek Glam, I find myself stopping to ask things before I post like, “Is it fashionable?” “Are the pictures Pinterest-worthy?” “Will the title boost my search engine ranking?”
And then I was given a prompt from U by Kotex® to discuss why it is important to have confidence at all times.
So today I’m going to go out on a limb, and get real personal. Thank you in advance to those who bear with me through this wordy post, and the rest for stopping back next time when I resume my regularly scheduled outfits of the day! Before you leave, though, scroll to the end for a special free sample opportunity!
It was brought to my attention this weekend that my marriage is receiving criticism from people close to my husband because they believe that I “wear the pants” in the relationship. To be sure that I correctly understood their accusation, I googled “wearing the pants” and found this enlightening AskMen.com article where they “highly recommend” to men that they “wear the pants before your wife does. Otherwise, before you know it, you’ll be wearing a skirt around the house while dusting the furniture.” They also offer sage advice on how to reclaim the pants in the relationship by doing simple things such as, “Stop saying I love you.”
I’ll give you a few seconds to ruminate on that…
In all seriousness, I am no stranger to relationships in which one person has more control over the other. 80% of my past relationships were with men significantly older than I was, with inherent power struggles because of the age difference. One, in particular, took the control to another level– using physical force to prevent me from leaving his house after an argument, after which I finally broke away and ran through the door screaming at the top of my lungs to wake the neighbors that I would call the police if he kept following me. I should also mention that our argument started when I found out that he had created a fake Facebook profile to see if I would cheat on him.
Trust me, I know controlling.
After that relationship, my confidence was absolutely shaken to the core. I gave up the first successful job of my career to move home with my parents and regain my footing. Surrounding myself with the people who loved me, I slowly rebuilt the self-worth that he had shattered in an attempt to keep me from having the strength to leave him. I vowed that I would never let myself be manipulated or controlled again, and above all, I would have confidence in myself.
Confidence is magical, ladies. Believing with every fiber of your being that you deserve to be treated with respect and love helps ensure that you never settle for less. And treating others with that same respect is key.
My husband is, second to my father, the best man I know. He helped me heal. He makes me feel beautiful, intelligent, and important. He supports everything I do– including this blog! We’ve learned, together, that a good relationship is built on compromise, understanding, and shared values. We do have very different personalities and backgrounds. I’m probably the most strong-willed person he’s ever dated. But he knew who I was and what I believe in before he proposed and loves me for it, not in spite of it.
Readers, I ask you to join with me in reclaiming the phrase “Wearing the Pants” — transforming it from a sexist, patriarchal, hegemonic insult to a mantra of confident women, who don’t limit their wardrobe or lifestyle choices because of their gender. Who are confident in their beauty, both inside and out, and choose only healthy relationships in which that confidence is appreciated.
I’m talking… wearing white pants on your period confident!
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Thank you to U by Kotex for helping remind all of us women to feel more confident. Because our womanhood is not something to apologize for or be ashamed of– but should be celebrated every day.
Ladies, what are some of the things that make YOU feel confident?
Disclosure: This article is sponsored by U by Kotex® Pads. All opinions are entirely my own.