Grieving as an Asian Adoptee

“You may feel like your children are protected from this or perhaps have never experienced any form of racism or discrimination (that’s awesome, and I *hope* it continues). But you cannot deny or ignore these things that have happened, because it makes it all the more difficult for people to take hate crimes against Asian Americans seriously or believe that they are possible.” (Written in January 2017)

Feeling so much collective grief—with the Asian American community, as a Korean woman—but today, my heart is hurting most for fellow adoptees.

Some of whom may not have parents and friends like mine who reached out to see if I was okay in the midst of this. Those texts, calls, and messages made all the difference in knowing I was safe and loved.

For the ones too young to understand now, but will learn about this event and time in history—and wonder what their place in it all is.

Thinking about the White mommy bloggers who have touted their adorable adopted Asian babies, but continue to ignore the racist violence happening to people who look like them. Who are more worried about losing followers than honoring and supporting their children.

Those children will grow up someday and see the void of empathy in all the outfit and recipe posts. My only prayer is that they also find the adult adoptee community and work we’ve been doing to show them they are not alone.

And to my fellow adult adoptees who grew up somewhere like I did in Southlake, Texas—where young people who use the N word are more protected than students of color—and might not have anyone in their close social circle who sympathizes or even acknowledges what is happening…

I am here for you. We can grieve together. We deserve to grieve.

And then—together—we can channel the grief into work that protects the next generation from experiencing this pain.