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Stephanie Drenka

Stephanie Drenka

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Tuesday, May 15, 2018 · In: Beauty, Life

“I tried for a short time to be something I wasn’t, and had no success with it. It’s a practical solution to just be yourself.” (Kate McKinnon)

I’ve been in a funk these past few weeks, and couldn’t figure out how to name the cause. But, I think it boils down to not feeling quite like myself. This weekend, I finally had a completely free day. I can’t remember the last weekend where I didn’t have a work event, photoshoot, or other obligation. It gave me time to sit with those aforementioned feelings– uncomfortably.

I realized how much of my energy lately has been channeled into trying to prove my worth. Exhausting my body and mind as a demonstration of work ethic, instead of prioritizing self-care. The combination of anxiety and fatigue brings out the worst in my INFJ self. I start overanalyzing everything. I replay every word spoken, read between lines, invent conflict, and forget the things that make me me. Imposter Syndrome is real, and when paired with a high level of stress, it can feel crippling.

After a particularly deflating afternoon yesterday, I drove straight from work to Walgreens and bought two boxes of hair dye. It had been years since I’d seen myself in my natural state. I couldn’t remember what I looked like with black hair, or how I felt without a self-inflicted, proverbial ton of bricks on my shoulders.

I rinsed the dye from my hair, but what I thought would be some grand renewal felt more like an awkward introduction to a distant acquaintance from the past. Getting back to yourself isn’t as easy coloring your hair; it takes more than 25 minutes to develop. But, it’s a start. And, though I can’t speak from direct experience yet, I believe it’s worth it.

By: Stephanie Drenka · In: Beauty, Life

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Comments

  1. Denise says

    Tuesday, May 15, 2018 at 8:35 pm

    I feel you 100%, and any time I dye my hair darker is for this exact same reason. A reset. Just reminding myself of who I truly am. Any color looks great on you but happiness, contentment, peace, and satisfaction is the perfect look on you ?❤️

    Reply
    • Stephanie Drenka says

      Tuesday, May 15, 2018 at 8:37 pm

      Thank you, Denise!! You nailed it. In need of a mental and physical reset… one step closer to that peace.

      Reply
  2. Teia says

    Wednesday, May 16, 2018 at 9:34 am

    You are lovely, just as you are. Sometimes it’s hard for me to remember that in the midst of everything swirling around us. I find for me, I am so much happier when I can see myself in it and sometimes she gets lost in all the noise. Glad you found an access point.

    Reply
  3. html color says

    Thursday, May 17, 2018 at 1:28 pm

    You are amazing the way you are.

    Reply

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